Continue Reading Below But you know who does treat us pretty well? But like I said, most guests just assume the geese are supposed to be there, and by extension, they must be totally safe as far as wild animals go. They'll have cast appreciation days, where they bring in huge food trucks to serve us all free meals they even provide a Thanksgiving Feast for everyone who has to work on the holiday. Right below them are the characters in full mascot-head costumes -- Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, etc. Continue Reading Below Advertisement If a cat gets onstage, we've got to keep them from getting close to the guests for obvious reasons -- getting clawed by a stray cat at Disneyland is a good way to get some kind of terrible infection and a great way to get Disney in a shitload of trouble. There are so many stray cats. Continue Reading Below Advertisement As a reward for fending off vicious geese and being stabbed in the groin by children, they throw us impromptu parties and celebrations pretty regularly, just to keep our morale up. Geese are fucking terrible.
We have no idea where they all came from. As it turns out, the bosses had let Goofy take his break five minutes before Chip and his ever-present associate Dale. If you've never been around geese, they're kind of dangerous. But like I said, most guests just assume the geese are supposed to be there, and by extension, they must be totally safe as far as wild animals go. Continue Reading Below But you know who does treat us pretty well? They'll have cast appreciation days, where they bring in huge food trucks to serve us all free meals they even provide a Thanksgiving Feast for everyone who has to work on the holiday. So instead of firing anyone, they'll swap in Pocahontas for a few hours if Jasmine has a meltdown, while Aladdin makes up some excuse for the kids to explain where Jasmine went. It's literally right next to a dumpster. It's filled with guides to recreating ancient drug-fueled debauchery! The costumed cast members, however, get a palatial break room teeming with multiple televisions and snacks. At the bottom of the ladder you have everyone else -- all the ride operators, popcorn vendors, and ticket takers. They don't wear any masks; they just stroll around the park dressed up like Aladdin or Ariel or whoever and let their perfectly sculpted faces complete the illusion. At any given moment, we are swarmed with waterfowl, and like the cats, nobody has any idea how they all got here. We have entire family lines of ducks that have never known life outside of Disneyland. And while most theme park employees don't get any kind of retirement plan, Disney announced they were providing us with a K out of the blue. These people are difficult to replace, too -- how many actual human beings do you know that look like Pocahontas or Prince Charming? The popular rumor is that a bunch of cats were brought in back in the 70s to kill mice, and now we have five generations of cat families running around because nobody ever bothered to bring the cats out of deep cover, sort of like Donnie Brasco. The guests just assume they're part of some show or are otherwise here on purpose, and happily feed them scraps of food like they're part of the Magic Kingdom experience. There are so many stray cats. But as far as I can tell, they really try to do right by their employees. There's a reason turnover is low at these parks, even if the job means the occasional tantrum from a man dressed as a giant chipmunk. The guests think it's a joke, even though I'm absolutely not kidding. Right below them are the characters in full mascot-head costumes -- Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, etc. Geese are fucking terrible. Nope, nothing creepy about seeing shelves upon shelves of disembodied heads, belonging to beloved characters, all soullessly staring at you. This story of "suffering" didn't do much to endear Chip to us, because he delivered his tale of woe to a group of shivering people crowded around a bunch of shitty benches, one of whom was inevitably going to be tasked with delivering him a new cartoon head to replace the one he'd just thrown into the wet pavement.
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